Lately, at home and at the ballet...

I have been quiet for a while but that's only because there is not much to say. I've been pretty much just dancing and trying to take care of this house. You have no idea of everything that this entails: the house itself, the dog, and, the most difficult part, my brother. I'm not gonna get into that because it would take too much time and too much space and I would get very upset and start cussin' and no one would like that. So I'll just say that it hasn't been easy and that I expected more from a 21 year old man. Y'all know where this is going by now, right?

The other thing that I can talk about is dance. Things are not going the way I expected them at dance either. Its just too much gossip and too much shit for me. I'm a 25 year old dancer without any hope of ever making it as a professional in this field so I just do it because I like it and because I want to improve at what I've been doing for the past 10+ years. Therefore, I just want a nice place to dance in without competition, without gossip, without favoritism and without divas and all the shit that all this entails. I just do it for fun and for personal fulfillment and so when I dance I just look for a nice place where a good teacher teaches where nice people go. Fortunately, I found a palce like this in Florida. Unfortunately, I didn't find a place like this in my own old hometown. Its sad. Its very sad how people and places change. Its even sadder when they don't change for the better. Suffice it to say that I gave a class yesterday to my old dance buddies. I didn't recognize them when they were dancing. I didn't know what to do with them. There was no love, no joy, no soul. Nothing. It was really depressing. At this point I'm not excited about July's dance camp. Its sad, I know. I was even about to tell Nana that I'm not gonna take it. I didn't tell her because she told me she already has my teaching schedule (I'm teaching in lieu of paying tuition) so I can't say no now. I can't just bail out like that. I just don't want to be in the middle of asskissing and stupid senseless competition. I've been there already and don't want to go back. Bad memories, baaaad memories. I've been very sullen at ballet lately. I've been isolating myself from others a lot. I hide in my cd player so to speak. I think people have noticed. I just want to get away from it all. I don't want people to look at me with hard eyes. I've been getting a feeling lately that this has been happening. I've also had the feeling that I'm no longer welcome where I thought I was. I have even thought about not going back in the comming years. It sad. See the picture? That's how I feel. Could be because I'm PMSing though...

Anywho, its 1:10pm and its raining cats and dogs outside. Its an overdue downpour. I knew it was comming. Its been too dry lately. I'm posting this before the power goes out. Toodles loves!!